Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Last post of the day

Man I love my son.

Sometimes I wonder if he really cares about me and the fact that I'm his father. Not that I don't think he loves me, I know he does. But I worry about it just being for the fact that I've always been there and that is it. I've always wanted to be a hero to my kids the way my dad was to me. I can recall fondly looking up to my dad and believing he could walk on water. It seemed there was nothing he could do wrong. I truly believed he had super powers and could over-come any obstacles. Eventually I know it would wear off and settle in and he would realize I'm just a schmoe (much like it did with my dad, hehe. Just kidding dad), but in his youth, I wanted it that way.

See what I'm getting at?

However, my son is very smart and very realistic in things. I think he looks up to me and I know he loves me. Don't want to lead anyone in the wrong direction.

But, moments like this morning really make me feel loved by him. I took him to the Dr's office this morning to have a cough he's had for the past week or so, checked on. We had a good time just being goofy while we waited for the Dr. to come in. Lately Caiden has been obsessed with bodily function noises. Non-stop. So he gets a good laugh at making them with his own mouth.

So, turns out it's just a simple little cold and the Dr said no meds, just time. I took him over to his grandparents house so I could go to work. When I dropped him off, he separated from me quickly and went to his grandma. I had a little small talk with them, then told him it was time to leave. He gave me a big strong hug and held on for a while. It made me feel good. Then, he continually kept waving by to me and telling me he loved me. He did it over and over again, as though I wouldn't feel enough of it, or as though he knew I needed it. He followed me to the door and kept saying "bye daddy. I love you" and flashing the

symbol for "I Love You".

He does this from time to time. Almost like he feels he's not going to see me for a while. He never gets emotional about it though.

Except one time. The day I got married, Alene and I came back to the house to get changed before we headed off for our honeymoon. Caiden came back to the house with my parents and I had arranged for him to stay with them. He seemed really surreal during the whole day. He just kind of went with the flow of the day and posed for all the pictures.

So, when Alene and I were getting ready to leave, I gave him a big hug and whispered in his ear that I loved him. I told him I was proud of him and that we have a family now. I told him to be a good boy and do what grandma and grandpa tell him to. As we walked away from the house, he came running out with the most innocent tears in his eyes and yelled out "DADDY!". It broked my heart. I had never seen him get emotional over anything except when he gets physically hurt, or when he is tired and just whining. This was something new. He jumped to me and just held onto me. It was an amazing feeling as a father to feel your child love and need you so much. I just told him that everything was going to be OK and that I'd see him in a few days. He seemed to calm down after that.

Man I love that boy so much.


  1. alene6:14 PM

    he loves you so much! He wants to do everything just the way that you do it. I especially love seeing the way his whole face lights up when he finds you after primary. You are so wonderful to him.

  2. Tyler, you are such a good example for me. Thanks for everything!