Sunday, January 30, 2005

What is wrong with how dirty men are?

WHY? Why Why Why Why Why?????

Why are men so dirty? What is it about them that makes them so sloppy, so un-organized? So non-worried about "the details" when it comes to keeping things clean? Why do they not care about their own personal cleanliness (that often times affects others).

I've made a good assumption that AT LEAST 1/3 of all men never wash their hands after going "potty". Every time I see it, I nearly vomit just thinking about all the things they touch that I may end up touching later on. Twice, in less than 24 hours I've seen men NOT wash their hands after going to the bathroom. I see it commonly at work. It makes me sick to think they are opening doors, touching areas in the break room, and most notably: Using their keyboards at their computers. I think it should be a rule that after a man leaves the company, his keyboard should be destroyed.

What is the reason though? Is it men's typical thinking they they dominate everything and are superior to all things (including having to take 15 seconds to clean their hands)? Is it laziness?

Any thoughts?

I for one RELIGIOUSLY wash my hands after doing something that may be dirty, especially draining the Thunder. I don't get how this not a basic understanding to cleanliness for men? Why can't they do it?

I'm off my soap box (for now).

Thursday, January 27, 2005

(said in a Napoleon Dynamite voice) YESSSSSSS!

I just took a History quiz that I thought I was going to bomb. Turns out it was likely one of the easiest quizes I've ever taken and I was the first one done.

It was a short essay, multiple choice and fill-in-the-blanks combination. I like those kinds of quizes.

The thing is, the class grade is based on 10 quizes, a written assignment and the final, so each quiz is important.

Anyway, I'm happy.

Also, I got this kitchen re-model job that I'm going to score an extra $800-$1000 on, so that will be nice. In addition, I have my taxes coming back, so I'm pretty much debt-free now. Its a good feeling.

Now I need to get out there and find a car to buy. I feel so bad borrowing my parents truck (not to mention the $40+ it costs to fill up the tank). I'm going to buy a truck in the next couple of weeks.

Sunday, January 23, 2005

My heart is so full

My life is very happy right now. I have a woman in my life that is the most amazing, wonderful, beautiful, supportive person I've ever met. I never believed there could be such a combination.

Add to the fact that my son is growing into a good little boy and I don't think there is anything in my life that should be considered a "problem".

Caiden and I were watching home movies from when he was younger (a little over a year). It just amazes me (as I'm sure it does to him) how much he has grown as well as how cute he was then. He's so precious to me and the cool thing is that I know even when he's like 60 and I'm 82 (and hopefully still alive) he will always be my precious son.

I'm so excited for my life.

Friday, January 21, 2005

24 hour film festival

Well, we did the film I spoke about in an earlier thread. It was pretty neat to see something I was a part of, on a big screen being viewed by total strangers.

The thing that was the funnest about the movie was the fact that a group of us came together, took a spark of an idea and made it bigger and bigger.

I think Russ and Tim deserve the most credit for the film. Tim came up with the basic idea and we all added to it. Tim and Dave (our lead actor) came up with a lot of the shot ideas, the narration, etc. In addition, Tim and Russ did all the editing (which, in my opinion is the hardest part of making a movie).

It was just fun to be a part of the whole thing and see it come to life in less than 24 hours. The only problem I had with it was how dark it appeared on the movie theater screen. When played on my own TV, all the lighting in the movie looks fine. Next year we will have to remember to over-exaggerate the lighting.

Tim also has another film he did that will be in the film festival. I bet he's excited.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

I am so proud of my son

There is no prouder feeling in the world, than when a teacher comes up to you to tell you how advanced he is in his class, compared to the rest. Now, I know my son isn't the next Einstein, but its good to know that the hard work with math cards, alphabet cards, and word cards is paying off for him. He's 5 years old and he can count to 100 on his own. Pretty neat to hear how excited he gets when he finishes counting to 100.

I was watching some videos from when he was around 1 years old. Its amazing how much he has grown since then. His body is so amazing, how it works, grows, lives. Its so precious to hear his heart beating. Tonight we were driving down to Provo and he and I were in my brothers back seats. I leaned over and kind of rested my head on his chest while he sat in his car seat. I expected him to push me away, as I was likely annoying him, but he just put his arm around me and hugged me.

I love that kid.

I've been sicker than a dog the past few days. Not to mention my car just went to heaven, so that wasn't too nice. I could fix it, but it would likely cost about $1300 (need a new clutch, water pump, electrical work, and likely a starter). I'm just going to sell it for next to nothing and buy another car. I need a truck anyway.

Anyway, I was going to say how sick I've been. Its so nice to have a female companion that truely cares about your health. Alene has been such a blessing, coming over as soon as she is available to comfort me. She is so sweet. I'm so blessed.

Anyway, I need to get to bed. This Nyquil and half an Oxycotn is starting to drag me down. Eye-lids aren't staying open. I hope I can get some good, deep sleep tonight. I need it.

Monday, January 17, 2005

So much going on

My friends and I "competed" in a 24 hour film festival. With this, we were given a theme at 10:30am on Friday morning. Our job was to take that theme (Tolerance) and write, film, edit, and score (music) for a 4 minute movie that cleaverly uses a prop (a postcard) and a line (Sometimes I wonder.....). Anyway, we actually didn't get started on it until about 4pm, so we actually wrote, filmed, edited, and scored music for it in about 18 hours. It was a rush, no doubt. I think we actually did pretty good, but there was 40 participants. The prize is $500 I believe. Anyway, should be fun.

I'm so glad I have the day off today. Sometimes I wish I didn't have to work at all. I just wish I could sleep in every day and not have to worry about money. However, then I start becoming aware of my responsibilities and reality hits. I'm actually very thankful for my job.

Speaking of. I'm a little peeved at the fact that I have not been given a review (read: raise) in about 1 1/2 years now. I'm not sure what the deal is? I know that the company generally issues raises in February, but my date had always been in August. I e-mailed my boss about getting a "review" back in October, but she never responded to it. I'm assuming she is just going to wait until next month to do it like everyone else? Or she just doesn't feel I deserve it? Either way, it would be REALLY nice if I got the raise and had it retro back to my August date :). Since my company is kind of tight with money (a good thing), I'll likely just get the raise and be thankful for anything.

Anyway, I finally started using my DVD burner I installed on my Mac. Its VERY NICE to have. I burned about 25 DVD's for friends and family the other day. I made a DVD of the slide-show videos that were made for my grandparents funerals. I put them on the one DVD so they could both be accessed. I then dropped them off to everyone yesterday. It was nice to get that project out of the way.

I have so many other projects I need to work on as well. I have a GIANT family DVD I'm working on, which just features funny clips from our childhood, as well as photos, etc. This is going to be my belated christmas gift to everyone :). In addition, I have one I made for Caiden, which I'm giving to his grandparents and his mother. I also have a DVD I need to put together for my Cousin's wedding. Needless to say, I'm pretty busy.

OK, time to rest and relax for the day.

Thursday, January 13, 2005

Call me un-original, but I've decided to copy my dear friend Tim

He has an area on his web site dedicated to any short stories or movie scripts he writes. I created one for my website as well.

I just wrote the short movie, based off one of my dreams. I'll answer some questions that you will be answering after you read it:

No, it has no purpose or depth. It was a bad dream and dreams usually are random thoughts. I just liked how intense my dream was and if I ever do film this, I'd like to try to bring out that intensity that I was feeling in my dream.

Yes, it is somewhat meant to have a few funny parts (like the yoga guy, he is going to look funny/crazy).

No, I'm not clinically insane.

Enjoy the script. Check that site back again for future short stories I'll either be working on, or have done.

My short script

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Out of PURE curiosity

If you read this post, reply and say hello. Even if I have no idea who you are. I'm just curious who reads my blog. I know of a few people, but other than that the "cat" in me is coming out. I just want to know.

Just reply to this thread and say Hello. DON'T BE SHY.

Not usually a BIG Smiths fan

because I think Morrisy is a freak, but I like "How soon is now?" (such a classic 80's hit) and Alene has introduced me to a song by them that I can't get out of my mind (and NOT in an annoying way). Its called "Please let me get what I want". Its a beautiful song and very short (only about 1.5 minutes or so).

I feel guilty sometimes

then I get over it and start to feel sad.

It amazes me how much hate and ignorance there has been in this world. I definitely think we've come a long way since the Jim Crow era, but I think we have a long way to go. I think most of the hate is pure ignorance now, but for the most part it seems racism (at least in America) is dwindling and we now are faced with clash of culture and un-familiarity more than hate. Like one culture not sure how to act around another culture. I think the most common is how white people generally act around black people, or most others of a different race.

I myself am more of the thinking that people shouldn't be defined by race anymore; but more by geographics. Well, actually, I don't think people should be defined as anything, but if you were going to define "people", define them by where they are from. I'm also not saying define = judgement, but more understanding where they come from.

There are so many different types of people in his world. There are trashy people, educated people, middle-class, wealthy, poor, lazy, energetic, difference makers, haters, lovers, peaceful, etc. Its interesting to see these different types clash, but I think its interesting how each generally stick with each other.

I wish we could break down the race barrier and just recognize people as people.

I bring up the whole race thing today because I've just started my History 2710 class, which focuses on history from 1850 to present day. The first section focuses on the "black holocaust". Basically: Slavery and post-civil war hatred for the black race.

Now, since I can remember I've always been sensative to race issues. I'm not sure if its something my parents instilled in me, or what, but I've always remembered to treat another person, regardless of color of skin, as an equal.

I actually have a funny story about when I was around 2 years old. I was at the mall with my two older sisters and I started playing with a little black boy. We had been playing for quite some time, when I'm guessing that curiosity got the best of me. I took my index finger and put it on his cheek. I then pulled it down his face as though I was trying to get the dark stuff off him (I'm guessing that I thought he was just dirty). I guess at that moment, I embarassed my sisters in front of my playmates sisters.

Ahh the innocence of a child. I don't see how anyone could have blamed my curiosity. I had white parents and likely had never seen someone of a different skin color at that age.

One of my first close friends was a latino kid when I was in kindergarten. When I moved to CA, my best friend from grades 2-7 was a native american kid named bear. Also, during that time I had another lation friend. I was drawn, for whatever reason to kids that weren't white. I mean, I had white friends, but I always wanted to hang with kids that were of a different race because I wanted to sympathize and relate in some way. I grew up in an area that was mostly white, so all my friends pretty much stood out. When I started High School, there were about 2-3 black people, a few latinos, and a few asian kids. One of my first best friends (and to this day) is Roman, who is of the FiliRican decent (Filipino/Puerto Rican). I dug him from the start because he was "dope" and we had a lot of the same interest (still do: Mac lovers UNITE!!)

Anyway, along the way, I made good friends with any of the kids considered "minorities" at my school. I was often persecuted by the so-called "hicks" of our school, for my association. One of my best friends (who was white) and hung with us, was jumped at a party by a bunch of stoner-red-neck combination guys (basically, ignorant biaches) and as they kicked him and beat him, they yelled out "WHITE PRIDE". Ummmmmm, who are you beating on man? Anyway... I've always been sensative to the ways that so-called "minorities" are looked down upon, or some of the ignorance they have to face in this society. I don't want to "coddle" them in anyway, becuase I do believe that every person is created equal and makes the best of their lives, whatever they are given. However, with this first section in the class we are covering, I saw some of the most grusome and disgusting ways that humans can be. I was shocked. I had always heard about lynchings, etc. but to actually see pictures made me so sad.

In addition, learning more in-depth brought it so much closer. I can't even FATHOME what it would have been like to be a slave, working from sun up to sun down, 7 days a week. Getting whipped and beaten by a "master" and sometimes killed. I believe it was just as tough in the post civil war era, in that the south formed the KKK and had lynchings. The description of what they did to the men in these lynchings made my insides turn.

Anyway, if anyone is interested in some education, here are a couple of good sites that really teach about what has happened. The first site is pictures with a description, but is EXTREMELY grusome, so I warn you. The second site deals more with the Jim Crow era and what blacks had to deal with to try to gain some equality.

Anyway, as I browsed these sites, I felt a strange amount of guilt come over me. I have no idea why. I think I was confused though. I believe it was more sadness than guilt. However, if I was looking at these sites, or these pictures with someone that was black, I would hope that they wouldn't hold it against me for what people of my race did. I would hope that most of the black people of these times will obviously be thankful for what their ancestors did to pave the way for them to be where they are, and only focus on ignorance and mending relationships with EVERYONE, regardless of color. I fear that there has been so much hatred building up that the tides will somehow turn. I've heard of so many reverse-racism cases on innocent people. Just someone taking their frustration out over history. Its so scary.

I hope that white people can have an open mind as well. I believe that the media has done some harm and some good in helping to mend all this hatred. As much as I HATE MTV and the culture it creates, it seems that since its inception, it has helped to bring different cultures together, and that is a positive. I also think that education on the subject in our schools has helped as well.

Man, as I write this, I think of how scattered everything is. Sorry :).

Thursday, January 06, 2005

I had a horrible dream last night

It was by far, one of my biggest fears: I wasn't going to be able to be a consistent part of my son's life.

I had this dream that my ex-wife was moving to CA with her parents. To top it all off, it was very last minute and I only had a few minutes to be with him and to say goodbye. I knew I would be able to see him on designated vacations and stuff, but I was crying so hard as I hugged him.

I really feel its extremely important that my son has his father in his life. I feel I'm currently involved in his life as much as possible, especially considering that I have him on Tues/Thursday (after I get off work), Saturday, and every other Sunday. I worry about him growing up, if he didn't have me as a figure. I want to teach him so much about life as he grows. I want to be there for him when he needs me. The funny part is, I actually need him too. He teaches me so much about what its like to be as a child. To be as innocent as possible, while also being humble as a child in learning.

Anyway, I was crying so hard in my dream. As they drove away, I fell down in the street, distraught and my face was so covered in tears that I couldn't see a thing.

I then woke up and my face was covered in tears, that I couldn't see a thing. This dream hit me so hard.

I love my son and I always want to be there for him, as he is for me.

Monday, January 03, 2005

Book recommendation: Season of Life

This book is AMAZING. Now, it may only be amazing to me because of its subject: Coaching high school football, but I think it has so many lessons to be learned about raising young men in this world today.

There are so many issues involving our young men of today. So many of them are influenced by things they see on MTV, or listen to in the crappy music that is out today. They are taught that they can't cry, they have to be macho, they have to have a lot of money, drive a nice car, wear fancy clothes, etc. These are all some of the biggest farces taught in our society.

The book is about Joe Erhmann, who played in the NFL for the Colts back in the 70's. He was an all-pro defensive lineman and team captain. He's since retired and has become a non-denominational minister. He leads an organization with his good friend (who is actually the head coach of the team) called Building Men for Others. Their focus, as I said, is to teach young men to be MEN in society. They do this via the game of FB.

The day always begins with the HC (Biff) asking the players, "What is our job" and the players respond "To love us". Biff then asks them, "What is your job" and the players respond, "to love each other". Now you tell me where in society are you going to see a bunch of 14-17 year old boys saying things like this?

Through out the book (so far) they spend about 50% of the time just talking to the boys. Teaching them about life, about responsibility, about how to use their talents and never giving up. Its an amazing story.

The main reason I'm so excited about this is because of my aspiration to be a High School head FB coach someday. I've always had an ideal and even started to create a plan of my own, of having a FB program that continually put out good young men into society. Men of integrity, of respect, men who took responsibility in this world. There are so many kids on FB teams I see these days that get away with so much crap in society. From drinking, to drugs, to being biological sperm donors (i.e. knocking a girl up, but not taking responsibility as a father). I want to rid society of this behavior via my coaching FB. I'm tired of seeing cocky young men, who only care about themselves, their stats, and how well they do. I've always had the ideal of what I wanted, but I never knew the way.

With this book, I have a good map of how I'm going to do it. I'm going to take ideas of what Joe Erhmann is teaching as well as other ideas I've gotten from past coaching jobs, and impliment them into one plan.

I'm so stoked about finishing reading this book. This is a book that will become a second set of scriptures to me. Something I will make my assistant coaches read over and over and over. I think the toughest part would be getting them to buy into this way of coaching.

Anyway, thanks honey (Alene) for finding this book for me. You have no idea how much it is going to help me.

Sunday, January 02, 2005

My latest stoke factor

Movies: Napoleon Dynamite (what did you think? GOSH!), Garden State
Reading books (just finished Friday Night Lights and starting this new book, "season of life")
Teaching Caiden new things
Catching up with friends
Mending relationship
Making movies and slide shows on my Mac
Music: Lots of Smashing Pumpkins, Modest Mouse, and my Piano playlist on my ipod. Very comforting. Oh yeah, there is that one mix on my playlist that Alene likes :-)

Thats about it.

Happy New Year everyone!

Hope you all had a great New Years and are looking forward to a good one in 2005. I myself have made a commitment to getting better grades and getting more fit (who doesn't?) From here on out, I'm eating nothing but baby carrots, water, and health shakes......OK, I'll strive for it, but I'm really going to try hard :-).

I'm a happy person and I can only see my life being happier.