I love being a parent

I love the love I feel for another human being (other than my wife of course). My son (Caiden) is the world to me.

Late last week I was made aware of a story involving Notre Dame coach Charlie Weiss and his brief interaction with a 10 year old boy dieing of in-operable brain cancer. It's a very touching story. If you want more details, here are some links to the story:

http://und.collegesports.com/sports/m-footbl/spec-rel/092505aaa.html
(scroll down to where it says "Speaking of bumps and bruises" and read that part)

http://www.sunherald.com/mld/sunherald/sports/colleges/12743601.htm

This morning I saw a 4 minute special on this that went into more depth. They interviewed Weiss some more and they interviewed the childs mother. As she described how happy her son was, despite his pain, my eyes welled up with tears. Dog sports all you want, but sometimes it can do a lot for a 10 year old boy dieing of cancer.

Weiss described how the boy told him (Weiss) that he was dieing of in-operable brain cancer. That right there would make me lose it. To have to be 10 years old and explain your sitation and knowing your fate has got to be so hard to see and hear from your child.

His mother commented about his death (the day after meeting Weiss) and what she said to him as she held him in her arms as he passed away.

I cannot FATHOM holding Caiden in my arms as he goes through pain I can't even comprehend. I think if I was to lose my son though, it would be in that manner as the best possible way. It would just kill me though, holding him and seeing in his eyes, his pain. I can think of the times he was sick and he's not the kind that get's grumpy and cries. He just lays there kind of limp and lifeless. It's so sad seeing his little body so weak.

Anyway, I'm just proud of being a father. I love my son so much and I need to dedicate more time with him. Everytime I'm away from him (which isn't long, just a day or two) and I see another little boy his age, I miss him so much and I start to think about all the times I yelled at him, or got mad at him, or hurt his feelings with a stern talk. I feel like such a bad father at times. I want Caiden to know that I do love him. I want him to rush to my side for help when he needs it. I want him to feel safe and trust with me.