Monday, June 05, 2006

As usual, life has been flying by

I have had not much of a chance to catch up with it. I went camping with Alene, Caiden, Brady (my nephew, who is 2 years older than Caiden) and Russ and Randa. Alene took us to Maple Canyon, which is a place I've never been. It's very beautiful up there and I enjoyed it a lot. We did some rapelling (some of which took place at night, which was CRAZY). We also did a 3 mile loop trail, half of which was up to the top of the canyon, which did a number on my legs and back (both are sore today).

Alene had to leave town early this morning to go to Denver for a work thing. She won't be back until Sunday and already I'm missing her. I'm not here to air dirty laundry, but we have had a pretty rough first year of marriage. It's had it's ups and downs. The hardest part has been finding a good "middle ground" for us both. I've found that I often get what I want out of life, while Alene feels she isn't getting much of what she wants. She deserves it and I'm trying so hard to support her in that. I just do things that come off wrong. I'm WAY over-protective of her and always fear losing her and wondering if I cold have done something about it before it happened. I have that fear with Caiden too. They are the closest people to me in my life and I care for them deeply. However, it causes problems and doesn't allow her to have a fun and fullfilling life. I need to try harder at not worrying so dang much.

Still, like I said, she has been gone for a little over 15 hours and this house feels so different without her. I miss her. I wish she was here and I could spend my free time with her, rather than vegging on the couch in and out of consciousness, while watching the History channel.

Either way, I love Alene deeply. I think I have a horrible way of showing it sometimes. I show it in the way I want to, but it's not what she needs.

The good thing about being married is learning to become close to another person. I'm still trying to figure that one out, but with Alene, when I do feel close to her and "on the same page" (so to speak), there is not a better feeling in the world that my heart yearns for. It's an amazing feeling.

Anyway, I'm tired. I need to go to bed.

Oh yeah, Caiden started swimming lessons today. He was so cute when he was in the pool trying to learn. He looked so innocent and out of control (as he generally tries to pretend he is in control of everything else). He HATES putting his head under water and only does it for a split second. I think he'll get better and realize he dosn't have to worry so much.

OK, now it's time for bed!

1 comment:

  1. Ty- The last 6 yrs of marraige have been just as you are talking with Alene. I wish I could say it gets better and will eventually be perfect. It doesn't. But the neat thing about it, you are always learning something about yourself, Alene and your relationship. It takes those rough moments in a relatiohnship- to truly make you appreciate the good ones. She seems really special Ty- when you are having those trying days- just remember the reasons you fell in love with her.