I need to blog

I'm tired.

I wish I could sleep for a week. I'm so tired. I'm tired of being tired. It affects every part of my life. When I'm tired, I feel boring to Alene. I feel like I'm not a fun person. I feel like I'm a drag.

I hate being tired.

Maybe I'm depressed? I have no idea what depression feels like. I'm sure I've been depressed before. Can anyone be depressed? Or is it some chemical thing that is consistent in one's life? I have no idea. I want to be happy. I want to be exciting. I want Alene to know I love her.

Utah can be so freaking boring in the cold winter months from December to April. It sucks. The only thing exciting is going to a movie, or some other sort of show coming through town, if you're lucky. Of course, there are Jazz games and also the snow sports. However, the snow sports can get expensive, so you can only do them so much before you're bankrupt.

Anyway I want to better myself (do something meaningful with Alene, go to the gym, improve my life somehow), but I feel like there is never enough time. I wish the fact that there isn't enough time didn't matter and that I could move on. I used to be able to do that, and it seemed I ended up happier and got a lot more out of life than I did. However, lately I feel like I've been forced to just focus on how bad life is and just sit in it. I don't like it. I want to keep moving and looking to squeeze everything I can get out of it.

I'm so tired I want to collapse.